The Olympic Ceremony: Where the sport is always great and the outfits resemble a Contiki tour. Here are some of the teams outfits that make it onto the fashion disaster list.
GHANA: Ghana are just attending an Ugly Sweater party? This is not a kitsch house party. While those skirts are very Gucci resort, this ensemble is busier than Pitt St during peak hour.
CUBA: In those tracksuits, designed by shoe designer Christian Louboutin, the Cubans appear to have dressed like the Florida retirees who are now allowed to holiday there.
EGYPT: Just look like they’re heading to work. The men dressed like Wall Street and the women from a Kath & Kim episode.
HONDURAS: Honduras’ mum was a worried about them going on school camp all the way to Rio, so she wrote their name on their clothes as she packed them in their bags.
SWEDEN: Did the H&M design team get drunk with ABBA?
IRELAND: There was a bit of backlash from Irish designers when the country’s Olympic committee announced they had chosen US company New Balance to design and manufacture the country’s kit. The resulting blue and green onesie will surely encourage Ireland to think locally when prepping for Tokyo 2020.
CHINA: Local production houses were too busy making Australia’s uniform so Team China had to make do with leftover fabric. The result? Rainbow ties and red suits reminiscent of Baby John Burgess.
ITALY: Velour? Did Armani even know where they were going?
GERMANY: Miss Trunchbull called and wants her outfit back. Tights under skirts? Raincoats? Germany didn’t get the memo it isn’t the winter games.
POLAND: World number one-level athletic competition on the top, music festival on the bottom. “Oh hey, after I run this race let’s head to Coachella to catch the final Calvin Harris set, k?”
NORWAY: Any athlete with eyes who saw that pattern should have jumped ship to Denmark before they qualified.
JAPAN: The help desk at Westfield Parramatta called and want their uniforms back.
GREAT BRITAIN: Two months post-Brexit and Britain have already lost their European style. You had one job Stella McCartney, pretty sure ill-fitting coats wasn’t on the brief.